As I woke up this morning, groggy eyed, tossled hair, throbbing head and all, I realized that this would be one of my first real days without makeup. The last two days were spent in my house with family, so that really did not count. Today, was my first day back to school. Once I realized that the day had finally come, I was sick with anxiousness and insecurity. I felt like I wanted to make the rest of me look cute, in order to distract people from my face...Messed up thought of the day #1.
Don't' worry, these thoughts kept coming....
-Messed up thought #2 of the day: I arrived at work and wondered if the kids would come in saying something like, "You look weird today, or are you sick?" You know kids say the darnest things!
-Messed up thought #3 of the day: As I went throughout my day, I literally wanted to hide from people I knew. I didn't even want to look people in the eye when I talked to them, because I kept thinking that they were looking at me funny.
-Messed up thought #4 of the day: I felt like when I did talk to people that I wanted to tell them what I was doing, so that I had a good excuse to look the way I did.
-Messed up thought #5 of the day: When I finally went to the dreaded mirror and could not keep from going to the bathroom any longer...The first thing that came to my mind was that I looked like death.
-Messed up thought #6 of the day: I wanted to run to the bathroom like a drug addict and put on a wonderful and colorful palette of makeup on to my face. It was like I needed a hit and needed it bad. I some how found the self-control to fight the temptation.
-Messed up thought #7 of the day: I wanted to quit this whole thing.
-Messed up thought #8 of the day: I realized how much I had thought about myself today and what I looked like, which was sickening.
-Messed up thought #9 of the day: Found out I will be attending some events in the week to come and I am already trying to get out of them and dreading them.
Plan for tomorrow: Continue on....Focus on bigger and better things. This is going to be a llloooonnnggg month.
p.s. this is a picture to describe what I felt today...got this from a friend's blog, who is doing something similar.
4 comments:
Thank you for being brave enough to post this. Can't believe how many of those thoughts were familiar.
awwww! you are beautiful on the inside so much so that it radiates on the outside!
It's amazing the thoughts that go through our heads sometimes. How many times do I make an excuse to someone for how I look even though they were never even thinking there was something wrong with the way I looked in the first place. I hope you break free from this day by day. I'm sure the Lord will bless you with this experience. Stay strong!
Ashley, so encouraging… so honest. Thanks for being you. You are a blessing!
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