men are not the problem.

"Men are not the problem; it's what we are trying to get from them that messes us up. Nothing is more baffling than our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men. We use guys like mirrors to see if we're valuable."

Beth Moore knew what she was saying when she wrote that line. It hit me like a 2 by 4 against my head. How many times have I taken security in a comment or compliment that was made by someone of the opposite sex? And then worse off, try to hold onto it? Or continue to do things or say something so that I could receive more?

Let's go back a little bit...I grew up in a house, where I did not have all of my father's attention and care. He was enveloped by substance abuse. I'm not a psychologist, but I think I am safe to say that I probably did not get or have a fully healthy father-daughter relationship. So factor #1: missing Daddio in ways that I really needed him.

This next part is a bit hard for me to admit, but since I'm all about being open and honest..it's coming out.
I grew up getting a lot of compliments on the way I looked. I feel vain even typing this, and it actually makes me want to gag. I'm ashamed to say that I began to take security in people's compliments about my physical appearance. I felt like it was one of the things I was "good at" or had going for me. I know these people mean well, but with factor #1...it's just boiling up to a nasty equation.

Before you start to think that I am blaming all my insecurities on other things or people, let me explain a bit more. I also have made a conscious choice to let these things affect me in the ways they have. Christ has broken those chains. I need to bask in his freedom and grace, but I have chosen not to at times. Factor #3.

These factors put together equal nothing good. They have led me to looking to guys for my security. This has been a huge struggle for me over the years. I look to them as my mirror. If they give a compliment, I feel good. If they don't, I begin to wonder and question myself. I have gone to the point of wearing things that I know they will like or make myself look a certain way, in order to get the compliment. It becomes manipulative on my part. This is not their fault, it is mine. I am looking to a person that is facing their own insecurities from the world for MY security and worth. People and men will disappoint me and fall below my expectations, but I serve a God that promises to never do that.

I am totally not to the point of having victory in this area, but I so desire and want this for myself. "I want some soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never dissipates us for requiring it" (Moore).

Psalm 90:14
"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."